tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55141812024-03-13T05:00:03.922+00:00Unified Review TheoryNotes towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything.Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.comBlogger238125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-88638648228998975472012-08-11T12:27:00.002+00:002012-08-11T14:52:37.104+00:00New Episode! The Amazing Story of Podcast-Red and Podcast-Blue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/player/web/2012-08-10T05_44_28-07_00"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fJqlV8wxXXo/UCZQP_wY0mI/AAAAAAAACE4/t2ha4t5FTYI/s1600/URT+red+and+blue.jpg" /></a></div>
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<i>It's been a long time, we shouldn'a left you / without a dope podcast to step to...</i>
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Yes, we're back! Despite my slight backwardness in updating this blog, James and I have actually been recording the occasional new episode of Unified Review Theory lately! The latest episode goes a little something... like... this...<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="85" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://urt.podomatic.com/embed/frame/posting/2012-08-10T05_44_28-07_00?json_url=http%3A%2F%2Furt.podomatic.com%2Fentry%2Fembed_params%2F2012-08-10T05_44_28-07_00%3Fcolor%3D43bee7%26autoPlay%3Dfalse%26width%3D440%26height%3D85%26objembed%3D0" width="440"></iframe>
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<i>In this Amazing Instalment of Unified Review Theory, Neill and James discuss the hottest talking point of, um, two weeks ago: the London Olympics 2012 opening ceremony! LEARN what Neill has against the nation of Comoros and the reasons why Sir Melvyn Bragg is a filthy, filthy animal. <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">http://urt.podomatic.com/</a><br /><br />ALSO: we look at a comic from 50 years ago, and talk about its merits. Join us for mermaids, biblical exoduses and the dangers of performance-enhancing kryptonite as we look at The Amazing Story of Superman-Red and Superman-Blue! Will we find it amazing? There's only one way to find out! <br /><br />(SPOILER: we will.) </i></blockquote>
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And we've also recently covered subjects as diverse and as devastatingly well-researched as Mongolia, the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, and that movie they made about the Avengers! Why not go and listen to some of them? You can <a href="itpc://urt.podOmatic.com/rss2.xml">subscribe via iTunes</a> or follow along on the <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">podomatic podcast page</a>!<br />
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We've been kind of warming back up, in the hopes of at some point getting to some kind of a semi-regular update schedule. If you've enjoyed any of these, why not say hello to us or indeed suggest ideas of Things We Should Review; we're on twitter over at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/urtheory">@urtheory</a>!<br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-80196155959231123862010-12-16T22:01:00.002+00:002010-12-17T07:03:38.888+00:00Marks and Spencer Turkey, Ham, Stuffing and Cranberry Sauce Baguette<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Christmas Sandwich)<br /></em><br /></span><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQsK4IFbhwI/AAAAAAAABQs/aewQE8VZ1Do/s1600/m%2Band%2Bs%2Bchristmas%2Bbaguette.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQsK4IFbhwI/AAAAAAAABQs/aewQE8VZ1Do/s400/m%2Band%2Bs%2Bchristmas%2Bbaguette.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551542925023479554" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span><strong>JAMES </strong>says:<br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Expectations were high for this one. The buzz in the office had been positive, and there was genuine excitement when it was first spotted for sale. These things literally happened. However something happened to undermine the expected M&S dominance, and that something was plucky newcomer <a href="http://urt.blogspot.com/2010/12/wenzels-turkey-stuffing-cranberry-and.html">Wenzel</a>. There was nothing intrinsically wrong with the baguette. They had overdone the cranberry sauce so it rather overpowered the other ingredients, but it was a competent little sarnie. But whilst I was eating I couldn’t help but mentally compare it with my former baguette. Whereas Wenzel’s turkey had been moist and fulsome this was a little on the dry side. And do you remember how the crispiness of the bacon melded with fruity cranberry? I’m sorry M&S baguette. I thought I’d moved on but this really isn’t fair on either of us. I don’t know if Wenzel’s will take me back, I have no right to expect it, but I have to try. In fact, I’m pretty sure they will.<br /><br />I’m sorry Marks and Spencer Turkey, Ham, Stuffing and Cranberry Sauce Baguette. You deserve someone who will appreciate your rather uninspired attempt at a turkey sandwich and it’s just not me.<br /><br />I hope this doesn’t mean I have to stop seeing your Liebkuchen?<br /><br /><strong>4.8/10<br /></strong></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQsLJgv2ikI/AAAAAAAABQ0/hFnOiI9gDMM/s1600/m%2Band%2Bs%2Bxmas%2Bbaguette.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQsLJgv2ikI/AAAAAAAABQ0/hFnOiI9gDMM/s400/m%2Band%2Bs%2Bxmas%2Bbaguette.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551543223701637698" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><br /></strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-39375827498291112012010-12-13T09:19:00.001+00:002010-12-13T09:33:30.024+00:00Ginsters Turkey, Bacon & Cranberry Pasty<span style="font-style: italic;">(Christmas Pasty)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXmjrrIb-I/AAAAAAAABQU/m1fAoERNdOU/s1600/ginsters%2Bxmas%2Bpasty.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXmjrrIb-I/AAAAAAAABQU/m1fAoERNdOU/s400/ginsters%2Bxmas%2Bpasty.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550095616497446882" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEILL</span> says:<br /><br />Ah, Ginsters. It is an inconsequential but pleasing side-effect of having this blog that I know to the day the last time I was foolish enough to eat a Ginster's pasty. (<a href="http://urt.blogspot.com/2009/02/ginsters-new-york-style-steak-and.html">Wednesday, February 18th, 2009. The "New York Style" Steak & Cheese Pasty. Bloody awful, 4/10</a>.) But upon seeing this festive offering on the shelves of our local Londis, how could I resist? Cleary, my duty as a reviewer outweighed all considerations of taste, common sense or intestinal safety.<br /><br />So, first impressions: cold, flavourless pastry with a texture the word "claggy" could have been coined for. And inside, that unidentifiable grey Matter so familiar to afficionados of the Ginsters range. The packaging claims this to be composed of 'Turkey, Bacon and Cranberry', so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and agree that that's what it was. I didn't see any cranberries in there, that's all I'm saying. The overwhelming flavours one is left with are of Cold Turnip and Cheese, which is slightly worrying as neither of these ingredients are actually listed.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXm3otgZaI/AAAAAAAABQc/zLynRDiDLlE/s1600/Pasty%2B00007.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXm3otgZaI/AAAAAAAABQc/zLynRDiDLlE/s400/Pasty%2B00007.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550095959299483042" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Mmmm, Matter.</span></span><br /></div><br />More than simply being an unpleasant eating experience - although it was certainly that - this pasty left me genuinely depressed for humanity. Whilst eating it, a vision formed. Of a man, perhaps in his late forties, unshaven, stumbling across a frozen petrol station forecourt somewhere in Britain. He is dressed in stinking, unwashed clothes, but there is no-one left in his life to comment on the smell, and he is too far gone to notice or care himself. He has children, but he has not seen them in years, and indeed between the drinking, the substance abuse and the onset of mental health problems, he can now barely remember their faces. He is alone, forgotten, uncared for by all and certainly by himself. And he staggers home now from the petrol station, back to his frozen, empty bedsit, clutching his reward, this pasty... his <span style="font-style: italic;">Christmas Dinner.</span><br /><br />Ginsters Christmas Pasty: The Taste of Human Misery.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2/10</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-85768171076352408252010-12-12T20:24:00.005+00:002010-12-13T07:48:41.504+00:00Pigs in Blankets Flavour Pringles<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXPk7j79EI/AAAAAAAABQE/WwHydx6FIi4/s1600/xmas%2Bpringles.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXPk7j79EI/AAAAAAAABQE/WwHydx6FIi4/s400/xmas%2Bpringles.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550070349174666306" border="0" /></a><br /><em><br />(Christmas Crisps)</em><br /><em></em><br /><strong>JAMES </strong>says:<br /><br />It must be tricky to recreate the distinct flavours of both streaky bacon and cocktail sausages in crisp form, which might explain why Pringles have instead decided to recreate the distinct flavour of bacon flavour crisps.<br /><br /><strong>3.3/10</strong><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXPvCB_5DI/AAAAAAAABQM/UDvNKDiiymw/s1600/xmas%2Bpringles%2Bphoto.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQXPvCB_5DI/AAAAAAAABQM/UDvNKDiiymw/s400/xmas%2Bpringles%2Bphoto.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550070522710058034" border="0" /></a><br /><strong></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-45509009448794937052010-12-09T22:17:00.003+00:002010-12-10T08:53:44.814+00:00Wenzel’s Turkey, Stuffing, Cranberry and Bacon Baguette<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Christmas Sandwich)<br /></em></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQHo_9Qny0I/AAAAAAAABP0/vEfsLqJBOd4/s1600/Wenzels%2BChristmas%2BBaguette.gif"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQHo_9Qny0I/AAAAAAAABP0/vEfsLqJBOd4/s400/Wenzels%2BChristmas%2BBaguette.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548972401370843970" border="0" /></a><br /><em></em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><br /><br /></em><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">JAMES </span>says:<br /><br />You may not have heard of Wenzel’s, if you don’t spend much time between Popiandy’s and the old back entrance to Woolworth’s where the homeless people hang out in Watford. In fact, if you haven’t heard of Wenzel’s it seems unlikely that you will know what Popiandy’s is. Think cut price Wimpey’s. But I digress. The point is, if you don’t spend much time hanging around the grimy end of the Harlequin centre you are missing out on one damn fine Christmas sandwich. The bacon is crisp, the stuffing squidgy, and the authenticity of the flavours can only lead me to think that Mr Wenzel is having daily Christmas dinners just to produce the leftovers needed for this most awesome of baguettes. And all for £2.50!<br /><br /><strong>8.9/10<br /><br /></strong></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQHpO8rQhmI/AAAAAAAABP8/2EKWrx2YhxI/s1600/IMG_0150.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TQHpO8rQhmI/AAAAAAAABP8/2EKWrx2YhxI/s400/IMG_0150.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548972658912167522" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><br /></strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-63109820574888612632010-12-03T11:22:00.006+00:002010-12-03T11:36:07.754+00:00The Pret-a-Manger Christmas Lunch Sandwich<span style="font-style: italic;">(Christmas Sandwich)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPjV89wlDhI/AAAAAAAABMU/ZDeUvkOfU3Q/s1600/Pret%2BChristmas%2BSandwich.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPjV89wlDhI/AAAAAAAABMU/ZDeUvkOfU3Q/s400/Pret%2BChristmas%2BSandwich.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546418184453950994" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEILL</span> says:<br /><br />On paper it all looked so good. A Christmas Sandwich from Pret - a place where 'making nice sandwiches' is pretty much their whole deal. And indeed, early bites delivered on this promise. Moist, flavoursome turkey and a generous wedge of stuffing, combined with the wholly welcome textural innovation of a scattering of crispy onions. Unfortunately, all of these fine ingredients end up being rather drowned out by the port & cranberry sauce. I don't know if there was slightly too much of the stuff, or if it was just a bit too sweet, but halfway through I was struck by the unpleasant realisation that what I was essentially doing was eating a chicken salad sandwich that someone had put jam in. And there is a reason that 'chicken and jam' is not in the pantheon of classic year-round sandwich combinations.<br /><br />And, again with the spinach. Who even has spinach as part of their Christmas lunch? NOBODY, THAT'S WHO.<br /><br />I MEAN, MAYBE POPEYE.<br /><br />BUT HE'S FICTIONAL.<br /><br />AND CERTAINLY, NOBODY ELSE.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5/10</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-59093126433311654672010-11-29T21:38:00.002+00:002010-11-30T11:54:54.850+00:00Morrisons’ Christmas Dinner Pizza<em>(Christmas Pizza)<br /></em><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPTl_l59OqI/AAAAAAAABMM/ipv-1opJxp8/s1600/Morrisons%2BChristmas%2BDinner%2BPizza.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPTl_l59OqI/AAAAAAAABMM/ipv-1opJxp8/s400/Morrisons%2BChristmas%2BDinner%2BPizza.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5545309921869642402" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />Only 2 reviews in and already the rule book is out the window! Not that there is a world of difference between the modern sandwich and pizza, both being doughy arrangements existing to showcase the ingenuity, or lack thereof, of the additional ingredients. The Unified Review Theory overview of Christmas snacks is a broad church and does not discriminate against any as long as they contain turkey and stuffing.<br /><br />It must have been an exciting moment in the Morrison’s food labs when they squared the circle of how to combine Christmas with pizzas. This they did by adding the key ingredients of a Christmas dinner, namely cooked turkey, stuffing, bacon, cranberry, cheddar cheese and tomato sauce, to a pizza base. The genius, you see, is in the simplicity. The finished article is maybe less than the sum of its parts, and those parts are fairly lacklustre to begin with, but you have to reward their demented genius.<br /><br />Better still was the cheese board pizza, but that is a whole other review.<br /><br /><strong>6.8/10 </strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-27720784520541967592010-11-25T21:12:00.006+00:002010-11-29T09:46:03.943+00:00Starbucks 'Turkey Feast' Sandwich<span style="font-style: italic;">(Christmas Sandwich)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPKm83EzF6I/AAAAAAAABL8/ABEQ09zLuHg/s1600/starbucks%2Bchristmas%2Bsandwich.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/TPKm83EzF6I/AAAAAAAABL8/ABEQ09zLuHg/s400/starbucks%2Bchristmas%2Bsandwich.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544677655752939426" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />NEILL</span> says:<br /><br />December! When the shelves of our nation's supermarkets, coffee shops, petrol stations and pharmacists fill up with that most deliciously festive of foodstuffs, the Christmas Sandwich! Indeed, the sheer preponderence of competing Christmas Sandwiches may seem bewildering to the uninitiated consumer. If only - if ONLY - there were some way to gain an objective and thoughtful comparison of the numerous varieties of Christmas Sandwich available, in order to make an informed and correct decision about which Christmas Sandwich to eat.<br /><br />Thankfully, Unified Review Theory has returned for it's latest and most socially useful undertaking to date - The Grand Christmas Sandwich Review, 2010. As part of this project, Neill and James Cameron will set about the difficult and thankless task of eating a whole bunch of Christmas Sandwiches, from all the leading high street retailers, and telling you which one is best.<br /><br />We begin our noble humanitarian undertaking with the Starbucks 'Turkey Feast', an appropriate starting point in that it exemplifies perfectly the standard attributes of the typical British High Street Christmas Sandwich. The basic elements of Christmas Sandwichiness are there - Turkey breast and stuffing, along with a selection of standard sandwich ingredients to round out the proposition - in this case mayonnaise, beechwood smoked bacon and baby spinach leaves. And there in a nutshell you have it all; both the glory of the Christmas Sandwich and the inevitable mild disappointment of these prepackaged homogenised commercial versions. The True Christmas Sandwich - the sandwich you actually make with leftovers of your Christmas dinner - is, as all right-thinking gourmands realise, the Single Greatest Foodstuff God Ever Bequeathed Onto His Creation. The sheer glory of the True Christmas Sandwich makes me indirectly grateful for the existence of Christianity. And yet all commercially available Christmas Sandwiches can only ever be a pale reflection of this glory. In an attempt to pander to the mass market, they tone down the sandwich's noble excesses and substitute bland conformity. For example, what is mayonnaise doing in this sandwich when everyone knows that Cold Leftover Gravy makes a far finer condiment. And I submit that no-one has<span style="font-style: italic;"> ever</span> made themselves a nice sandwich with the remnants of their Christmas dinner and thought, you know what? This would be better with a bit of spinach in.<br /><br />Still, for all that: it was okay. Better than most Starbucks sandwiches, but doomed by its nature to remind one of the far, far greater sandwich that awaits us all in a mere month's time.<br /><br />Bit dry, maybe. Could have used a little extra seasoning.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6/10</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-10929091180822883242010-02-04T18:16:00.005+00:002010-02-04T19:35:07.984+00:00URT Podcast 007 - The Dark Prince of Froot Loops<em><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iljsTbPBAB4/S2sZ_F7LVHI/AAAAAAAAACI/Zd8NqhatJL4/s1600-h/Podcast7.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 206px; display: block; height: 206px;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434465947065472114" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iljsTbPBAB4/S2sZ_F7LVHI/AAAAAAAAACI/Zd8NqhatJL4/s320/Podcast7.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><em>“Batman!” </em></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div><br />In this special grim and gritty edition of Unified Review Theory, Neill and James brood their way through reviews of The Dark Knight, William Shakespeare’s Hamlet and, um... Froot Loops. Neill also attempts to break the record for the number of times someone says “Batman” in a podcast, whilst James’s family attempt to kill each other.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img style="width: 0px; height: 0px; visibility: hidden;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNjUzMTE2NzYxMzQmcHQ9MTI2NTMxMTY5MjUxMCZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZvPTNiYmZlMzc2NzZlMjQ2ZjNiMTE3/NWFjOTM1YjkyZDQxJm9mPTA=.gif" width="0" border="0" height="0" /> </div><div style="border: 2px outset rgb(220, 220, 220); padding: 5px; width: 320px; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;"><br /><br /><div style="float: left;"><a style="text-decoration: none;" title="Episode 7 - The Dark Prince of Froot Loops" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2010-02-04T11_07_01-08_00">Episode 7 - The Dark Prince of Froot Loops</a></div><br /><br /><div style="float: left;"><a style="color: gray; text-decoration: none;" title="Unified Review Theory" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">Unified Review Theory</a></div><br /><br /><br /><div style="margin-bottom: -5px;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="height=20&width=320&file=UDS9/10/04/33/urt/media/published/2602584_stnd.mp3&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" width="320" height="20"></embed><br /></div><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2010-02-04T11_07_01-08_00" target="urt"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><a href="http://www.gigyamailbutton.com/wildfire/gigyamailbutton.ashx?url=aHR*cDovL3dpbGRmaXJlLmdpZ3lhLmNvbS93aWxkZmlyZS93ZnBvcC5hc3B4P21vZHVsZT1lbWFpbCZ1cmw9aHR*cCUzYSUyZiUyZnd3dy5wb2RvbWF*aWMuY29tJTJmcG9kY2FzdCUyZmVtYmVkJTJmdXJ*JTJmMTI2NDUxOQ==" target="_blank" border="0"><img src="http://cdn.gigya.com/wildfire/i/includeShareButton.gif" width="60" border="0" height="20" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2010-02-04T11_07_01-08_00.mp3">Download mp3</a> | <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">Visit podcast page</a><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Show Notes 007:<br /></span><br /><ul><li>The Dark Knight was 2008, James was right</li><li>Heath Ledger was in Home & Away, so that’s almost Batman</li><li>James would like to apologise to everyone else in the world for calling them chumps. Though, y’know, if the cap fits.</li><li>Nestor Carbonell played the Mayor in the Dark Knight, as well as that guy in Lost and the love interest post-Judd Nelson in Suddenly Susan. Check out his work and eye-lashes here! <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004801/">http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004801/</a></li><li>Neill has never marked the Dark Knight, once more he is misremembering.</li><li>James REALLY needs to get a better microphone.</li><li>The angry background shouting is Debbie (Mrs James) berating Lex (James Jnr) for violence.</li><li>Hamlet was based on the 13th Century Viking legend Amleth, apparently.</li><li>Froot Loops do not seem to be available in France, but are in Germany.</li><li>You can follow URT on Twitter! Tweet-sized reviews at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/urtheory">@urtheory</a>, Neill at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/neillcameron">@neillcameron</a>, and James at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/pretzelsncheese">@pretzelsncheese</a>.</li></ul></div></div></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div> </div><div> </div><div><strong>Final Scores-</strong></div><ul><li>The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller <span style="font-weight: bold;">5.75/10</span></li><li>The Dark Knight <span style="font-weight: bold;">4.6/10</span> </li><li>The Cowboy Wally version of Hamlet <span style="font-weight: bold;">9.5/10</span></li><li>Hamlet <span style="font-weight: bold;">6/10 </span></li><li>Froot Loops<span style="font-weight: bold;"> 7.5/10</span><br /></li></ul></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-50324534556462600792010-01-05T11:29:00.008+00:002010-01-05T19:50:50.698+00:00URT Podcast Special: BATTLE OF THE DECADES!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/S0N9-q34mVI/AAAAAAAABCU/wuvc1ATmtHw/s1600-h/podcast06.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/S0N9-q34mVI/AAAAAAAABCU/wuvc1ATmtHw/s400/podcast06.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423316891898255698" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />"There were some terrorists, which was bad, and then there was Doctor Who, which was good."</span><br /><br />In this VERY SPECIAL New Year's Eve-recorded episode of Unified Review Theory, Neill and James are joined by special guests Mrs. Neill and Mrs. James (or "Di" and "Debbie" as they seem to prefer being known) for an in-depth round-table discussion in which we not only review recently-completed decade The 2000s in their entirety, but also contrast and compare them with The 1990s, and also The 1810s for good measure.<br /><br />Join us for a fascinating and only slightly exhausting debate which covers such diverse topics as the unexpected outcomes of the Last Great Time War, Opium Eating and why it is 'a boy thing', why Neill is clever and the other three are idiots for not liking Harry Potter, and whether the global climate of fear, tension and hostility precipitated by the rise of international terrorism was a Good Thing or a Bad Thing. You'll be surprised! (Note: you probably won't be surprised.)<br /><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2010-01-05T09_57_00-08_00.mp3">Download MP3</a><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2010-01-05T09_57_00-08_00">Visit Podcast Page</a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNDQzNzM4MDQ2NzEmcHQ9MTI*NDM3MzgxMjE3MSZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZ*PSZvPWUwODZiZWNjN2RlNTQxYmViNGE*MmY2YzU3Y2RlMzViJm9mPTA=.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" /></div><div style="margin-bottom: -7px; text-align: center;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="plugins=viral-1&viral.link=http://urt.podOmatic.com&height=340&file=http://urt.podOmatic.com/mrss_stream.xml&playlist=bottom&playlistsize=80&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" height="340" width="320"></embed></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><br /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><hr /><br /><br />Show Notes:<br /><br /><ul><li>90's BBC sitcom Mulberry did in fact really happen. We didn't dream it.You can read about it <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulberry_%28TV_series%29">here</a>.<br /></li><li>Yeah, sound quality is appalling again. Sorry.</li><li>To begin to list the errors, omissions and factual inaccuracies contained in this podcast would be a herculean effort, but if you feel you'd like to have a go, please go ahead.<br /></li><li>Look, we were a bit drunk.</li><li>You can follow URT on Twitter! Tweet-sized reviews at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/urtheory" target="_blank" title="http://www.twitter.com/urtheory">@urtheory</a>, Neill at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/neillcameron" target="_blank" title="http://www.twitter.com/neillcameron">@neillcameron</a>, and James at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/pretzelsncheese" target="_blank" title="http://www.twitter.com/pretzelsncheese">@pretzelsncheese</a>.</li></ul>Final Scores:<ul><li>William Wordsworth <span style="font-style: italic;">(romantic poet)</span>: 2/10</li><li>2000s <span style="font-style: italic;">(decade)</span>: 5/10</li><li>1810s<span style="font-style: italic;"> (decade)</span>: 8/10</li><li>1990s <span style="font-style: italic;">(decade)</span>: 8.5/10<br /></li></ul><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-50003804134372979882009-12-14T14:36:00.008+00:002009-12-14T18:29:08.660+00:00URT Podcast Episode 5: Metaphysical Mario Kart Mashup!<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyZNgEuV0sI/AAAAAAAABAo/msZKLaIHgj8/s1600-h/podcast05.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyZNgEuV0sI/AAAAAAAABAo/msZKLaIHgj8/s400/podcast05.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415100815378862786" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />In this HIGHLY EFFICIENT Very Special Episode of Unified Review Theory, Neill and James review popular Nintendo Wii driving game Mario Kart, while playing Mario Kart! They also review the philosophical concept of Free Will, also while playing Mario Kart. It gets confusing. Join us, won't you? Have listen <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2009-12-14T06_30_49-08_00">here</a>, <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-12-14T06_30_49-08_00.mp3">download the mp3</a>, subscibe on iTunes or just listen using the embedded player below!<br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNjA4MDEyODk4NDMmcHQ9MTI2MDgwMTMwMDkzNyZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZvPWUwODZiZWNjN2RlNTQxYmViNGE*MmY2YzU3Y2RlMzViJm9mPTA=.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" /><div style="border: 2px outset rgb(220, 220, 220); padding: 5px; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; font-family: arial; width: 320px;"><br /><div><br /><div style="float: left;"><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2009-12-14T06_30_49-08_00" style="text-decoration: none;" title="Episode 5: Metaphysical Mario-Kart Mashup">Episode 5: Metaphysical Mario-Kart Mashup</a></div><br /><br /><div style="float: left;"><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/" style="text-decoration: none; color: gray;" title="Unified Review Theory">Unified Review Theory</a></div><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="margin-bottom: -5px;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="height=20&width=320&file=UDS9/10/04/33/urt/media/published/2442317_stnd.mp3&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" height="20" width="320"></embed><br /></div><br /><div><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2009-12-14T06_30_49-08_00"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.gigyamailbutton.com/wildfire/gigyamailbutton.ashx?url=aHR*cDovL3dpbGRmaXJlLmdpZ3lhLmNvbS93aWxkZmlyZS93ZnBvcC5hc3B4P21vZHVsZT1lbWFpbCZ1cmw9aHR*cCUzYSUyZiUyZnd3dy5wb2RvbWF*aWMuY29tJTJmcG9kY2FzdCUyZmVtYmVkJTJmMTIxNDAyMSUyZjExOTQ3Nzc=" target="_blank"><img src="http://cdn.gigya.com/wildfire/i/includeShareButton.gif" border="0" height="20" width="60" /></a><br /><br /><hr /><br />Show notes and final scores:<br /><br /><ul><li>Neill apologises for mumbling.</li><li>FREE WILL scores an average <span style="font-weight: bold;">6/10</span> (NEILL: 5/10, JAMES: 7/10)</li><li>MARIO KART WII scores an average <span style="font-weight: bold;">7.5/10</span> (NEILL: 8/10, JAMES: 7/10)</li><li>So Mario Kart is better than free will! That's one problem solved, anyway.</li><li>Oh yeah, we reviewed The Year 2009, too. It got like, <span style="font-weight: bold;">4.5/10</span>?<br /></li><li>You can follow URT on Twitter! Tweet-sized reviews at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/urtheory">@urtheory</a>, Neill at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/neillcameron">@neillcameron</a>, and James at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/pretzelsncheese">@pretzelsncheese</a>.<br /></li></ul><br />The URT Podcast will be back with a special DECADE IN REVIEW roundtable discussion, as soon as possible after Hogmanay. In the meantime, why not check out some of our old episodes at the <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">URT Podcast Page</a>? Or don't. Whatever you like, man. Hey, back off!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-55542849415581347332009-12-10T21:52:00.003+00:002009-12-11T16:27:44.605+00:00Pilgrim's Progress<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">By John Bunyan<br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Medieval Visionary Poem) </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em></em><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyJy6KHMqcI/AAAAAAAABAY/22ffWh-xvEo/s1600-h/pilgrim.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyJy6KHMqcI/AAAAAAAABAY/22ffWh-xvEo/s400/pilgrim.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414016045525281218" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />(in the style of the work)<br /><br />And so I had this really freaky dream, right, about this guy, right, this guy called CHRISTIAN, and he was really bummed out. He dwelt in the town of Despair, and house prices were just plummeting. There was also quite a bad write-up of the place in the ‘Let’s Move to...’ section of the Guardian Magazine. He tried to talk to his wife and children about it but they, like, totally didn’t get him AT ALL. Then one day there was a ring on the door-bell. And there stood GOD-BOTHERER.<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Why so glum, chum?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I don’t know, I sometimes feel, like, what’s it all about?<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER (Spotting weakness): Well, that’s because you dwell in this crappy place. Over yonder metaphorical hill there is a wonderful city with excellent amenities, a thriving cultural scene and a tram system. Also, the grass is much greener than the rubbish grass here. It is called Croydon.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: How do you know of this fabulous place?<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: It is all written down here, in this pamphlet published by the Croydon tourism board. So therefore it must be true.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: And can I reach it?<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Of course, the way is open to every man with an all zone travel card. But be warned, though many set out for Croydon but few can resist the temptations of the way.<br /><br />So CHRISTIAN ran in great delight to his wife and children and said to them “Rejoice, for we are to travel to Croydon!” At this they were much surprised and his wife queried the wisdom of such a move, especially as her job and all her friends were in Despair. And CHRISTIAN tried to explain how meaningless such things were next to the glory of Croydon, but they just wouldn’t listen. So he packed a suitcase, told them he was going out for cigarettes, and left.<br /><br />As he set out on his journey CHRISTIAN was greeted by his friend GULLIBLE, who asked him where he journeyed.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I am travelling to Croydon.<br /><br />GULLIBLE: Is it nice?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: It has trams.<br /><br />GULLIBLE: Can I come?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I suppose so.<br /><br />So together they travelled to the train station. And their hearts were gladdened when they saw that the next train to Croydon was in only 15 minutes. So they sat and waited, and the fifteen minutes came, and went, and the departures board didn’t update at all until, suddenly, their train was no longer on the departures board, and no announcement or nothing. At this point GULLIBLE got slightly narked and went home, and CHRISTIAN cursed him, and went to find a guard.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: What happened to the Croydon train? It just suddenly disappeared?<br /><br />GUARD: Engineering works, I’m afraid sir. There are notices up. You’ll have to use the<br />Replacement Bus service.<br /><br />So Christian went and found where the buses went from and got on the bus, and found a seat next to SLIGHTLY INSANE.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: Are you travelling to Croydon?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Indeed I am.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: Do you mind if I keep you company, as I am also travelling there?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN thought this was quite an odd thing to say, seeing as how everyone on the bus was going to Croydon, but he thought it would be nice to have some company, so he acquiesced.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: I think Croydon is going to be great. What are you looking forward to the most?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: The trams, definitely.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: Oh yes, me too. I think they will be lovely, all shiny and red.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Excuse me, sir, but I think you will find that the trams are blue.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: Oh no, they’re definitely red.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Look, it definitely says here in the ‘Visit Croydon’ brochure that they are red.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: No, that is a mistranslation of the original Dutch. It should definitely be Blue.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: No. You are wrong. And stupid. And I hate you.<br /><br />SLIGHTLY INSANE: All right, no need to be a dick about it.<br /><br />And he changed seats, whilst CHRISTIAN shouted “Red!” at him.<br /><br />In a few hours the bus reached Slough, at which point the driver asked everyone to disembark. CHRISTIAN mentioned that the bus was supposed to be going to Croydon but the driver forcibly let it be known that this wasn’t his problem. So CHRISTIAN left the bus, and as he sat in despair he was approached by DIFFERENT BUT STILL EQUALLY VALID VIEWPOINT.<br /><br />DIFFERENT BUT STILL EQUALLY VALID VIEWPOINT: What’s the matter?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I’m trying to get to Croydon, but the trains aren’t working.<br /><br />DIFFERENT BUT STILL EQUALLY VALID VIEWPOINT: Well, why don’t you go to Reading instead?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Do they have trams?<br /><br />DIFFERENT BUT STILL EQUALLY VALID VIEWPOINT: No, but there is a big stone lion.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Really?<br /><br />DIFFERENT BUT STILL EQUALLY VALID VIEWPOINT: And an annual music festival.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Reeeeeallly?<br /><br />So CHRISTIAN set off towards Reading, but as he was walking past a brothel, out came GOD-BOTHERER, looking quite shifty. He spied CHRISTIAN and called him over.<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Where are you going?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Reading.<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Not Croydon?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Ummm....<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Because we talked about this, and I’m pretty sure we decided you should go to Croydon.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I know, but...<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Besides, Reading is but an imperfect reflection of the majesty that is Croydon<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Have you been to Croydon then?<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: No, the mayor of Croydon says my work here is too useful for me to go to Croydon yet.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: You’ve actually spoken to him? The mayor of Croydon?<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Not spoken, but he communicates to me all the time. Through the classified adverts in local newspapers. In code. He tells me I’m special.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: OK<br /><br />GOD-BOTHERER: Now, go to Croydon or the Mayor will force me to stab you.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Alright, alright, I’m going<br /><br />So Christian braved the vagaries and uncertainties of the public transport system, and eventually had reached the foul city of London, where temptations are freely available. And as he was sitting on the underground railway, idly reading an advert for cheap international telephone calls again, he caught the eye of RICHARD DAWKINS, who was wearing a loud jumper.<br /><br />RICHARD DAWKINS: Hello<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Hello<br /><br />RICHARD DAWKINS: I’m married to the bird from Dr Who, the one who was with Tom Baker, did you know that?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I think I had heard that, yes.<br /><br />RICHARD DAWKINS: So, where are you off to?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Croydon<br /><br />When he heard this, RICHARD DAWKINS punched CHRISTIAN in the face several times, knocking him to the ground. Then he proceeded to kick him repeatedly in the groin, before spitting on him and walking angrily off.<br /><br />And then in my dream CHRISTIAN approached the great station of Victoria, where there were Deli de Frances and Burger Kings and all was rejoicing, as CHRISTIAN knew he was close to his goal. And as he waited there for his connection he saw JAMES, who was hanging around fulfilling a narrative purpose.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: This is great, isn’t it?<br /><br />JAMES: Hmmm?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: I said, this is great isn’t it?<br /><br />JAMES: The station?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: No, the fact that we’re so close to Croydon!<br /><br />JAMES: Oh, you’re going to Croydon are you?<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Of course, that is where everyone should go, it’s obvious<br /><br />JAMES: I think it’s far from obvious. Even accepting the fact that Croydon is obviously a clumsy metaphor for the Christian Heaven (and I could add, not much clumsier than in the actual work), you can’t present it as a rational choice. You have the right to believe what you want, of course, but your dogmatic certainty, backed up by personal interpretations of ambiguous texts and flawed reasoning, is deeply unbecoming. Don’t get me wrong, you have some lovely imagery, but like a lot of the bible that’s all it is. It’s poetry, and not matter how attractive poetry can never be a replacement for open-minded debate. Except for most of human history that is.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: ....Screw You.<br /><br />Then he came to the platform, and asked the GUARD if this was where he should catch the train for Croydon.<br /><br />GUARD: Dunno mate<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: What do you mean?<br /><br />GUARD: Well, there’s only one train that departs from here, everyone has to catch it, and<br />nobody knows where it goes because no one has ever come back. Some people think it goes to Croydon, others Brighton, it’s all guess work. If I were you I’d just enjoy the station while you’re here, get a paper, go to the pub, and don’t spend all your time worrying about where the train goes. When it’s time for you to find out, you’ll find out.<br /><br />CHRISTIAN: Typical British Rail.<br /><br />And then I dreamt that I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.<br /><br /><strong>5.2/10 </strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-43166175299265675952009-11-24T20:31:00.002+00:002009-12-11T16:32:21.357+00:00Diagnosis Death<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Film)<br /></em><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyJ0B1xOJOI/AAAAAAAABAg/dg4ykK8ZhXE/s1600-h/diagnosis_death.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SyJ0B1xOJOI/AAAAAAAABAg/dg4ykK8ZhXE/s400/diagnosis_death.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414017277014975714" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />New Rule: If you are a slightly weasely looking man in his 40s, with a wrinkly, shrivelled face, and you are writing a film, do not cast yourself as the romantic lead. Especially not if you co-star is 18. Double especially do not write a scene where you take the aforementioned 18 year old’s virginity. It is just creepy. Also, if your film features Jermaine and Murray from Flight of the Conchords but they have a combined screen time of less than 3 minutes, it is slightly disingenuous to feature them in the poster of the film. Finally, your film is rubbish. This advice may not be terribly universal, but hopefully it will be taken up.<br /><br /><strong>3.4/10</strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-41895037542402087652009-10-23T11:31:00.004+00:002009-10-23T11:37:16.927+00:00URT needs YOU<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SuGULXf94AI/AAAAAAAAA9w/mJfhoagKTLo/s1600-h/URTneedsyou.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SuGULXf94AI/AAAAAAAAA9w/mJfhoagKTLo/s400/URTneedsyou.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395756751574130690" border="0" /></a>...to tell us what to review. That's right, our next URT podcast is going to be an ALL-REQUESTS special. James has rather foolhardily declared that we will review whatever our listeners ask us to, and so I guess we are honour-bound to do so. So if there is something which you particularly desire to hear us hold forth on for 10 minutes or so from a position of very probably absolute ignorance, just let us know! You can put your suggestions in as comments here on the blog, or via <a href="http://twitter.com/urtheory">twitter</a> (We are at <a href="http://twitter.com/urtheory">@urtheory</a>).<br /><br />Looking forward to your suggestions! (And by looking forward to' I really do mean 'worried and slightly terrified by)...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-86463407373197643332009-10-17T11:45:00.012+00:002009-10-22T16:30:06.700+00:00Choco-Leibniz<span style="font-style: italic;">(Biscuits. Or are they?)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SuCGcz2KzuI/AAAAAAAAA9o/nWOWw36PnJo/s1600-h/chocoleibniz.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SuCGcz2KzuI/AAAAAAAAA9o/nWOWw36PnJo/s400/chocoleibniz.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395460183101722338" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />NEILL</span> says:<br /><br />Choco-Leibniz is a chocolate biscuit, which bears the slogan 'More chocolate than a biscuit', which I find rather confusing. It reads like a slogan translated from another language (presumably German) to English, by someone with an imperfect grasp of one or both languages. One way of interpreting the claim is that it means: <blockquote>"More chocolate than a[nother] biscuit"</blockquote> ... i.e. that Choco-Lebinz offers a more generous proportion of chocolate-to-biscuit than lesser alternatives such as the humble McVities digestive or Hob-Nob, and such a claim is certainly true. Another interpretation offers an even bolder proposal; it is arguable that the slogan means to imply that Choco-Leibniz is: <blockquote>"More [<span style="font-style: italic;">a</span>] chocolate than a biscuit"</blockquote>... i.e. that the aforementioned chocolate: biscuit ratio is indeed so prodigious that technically the product must be classified as chocolate, rather than biscuit. But that's just silly, it's clearly a biscuit. It's on the biscuit shelf in the shop, and everything.<br /><br />The clue to solving this apparently intractable riddle perhaps lies in the biscuit/chocolate's name, so we must look to the works of celebrated 17th-century German philosopher Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz for an explanation. In his 1685 <span style="font-style: italic;">Discourse On Metaphysics </span><span>Leibniz</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> </span><span>introduced his famed 'predicate-in-notion' principle, which claims that every single predicate of a true contingent proposition is contained within the terms of that proposition. If we apply this to the proposition <span style="font-weight: bold;">"[Choco-Leibniz is] More Chocolate than a Biscuit"</span></span>, we can see that the predicate 'chocolatiness' is indeed contained within the notion of 'biscuitiness' - that is, that the idea of a biscuit logically contains the possibility of a certain degree of chocolatiness. And yet there is a contradiction, precisely <span style="font-style: italic;">because</span> of the claim that the chocolatiness of Choco-Leibniz is higher than the degree of chocolatiness permitted by the concept of 'biscuit'. Paradox inevitably ensues.<br /><br />Clearly the makers of Choco-Leibniz are on very shaky metaphysical territory. Perhaps they would have been better advised to seek inspiration for their slogan in another of Leibniz's theories, the idea that the world as it exists is, despite the existence of imperfections, suffering and evil, the optimal of all possible worlds that God could have created. Thus we get:<br /><blockquote><br />"Choco-Leibniz: The Best of All Possible Biscuits"</blockquote><br />Which, actually, it pretty much is. They're very chocolatey you know.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7.8/10</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-40674773036234058392009-10-07T15:48:00.003+00:002009-10-07T18:15:30.206+00:00Having an Infected Cyst<em>(Condition/Journey into the Heart of Awfulness)<br /><br /></em><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Sszarv8CkVI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/so4O6qMFZv8/s1600-h/cyst.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Sszarv8CkVI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/so4O6qMFZv8/s400/cyst.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389923299193164114" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />You can probably guess that this is not going to be a glowing review. Or pleasant. Also, as no one could choose to experience having an infected cyst it will be of no use to anyone. Well, I had to suffer so why shouldn’t you?<br /><br />There are a number of things that are undesirable about having an infected cyst. I will now list them:<br /><br />1. The pain. The absolute burning constant unrelievable pain. Now, belonging to the gender I do it is normal for me to shun painkillers, preferring instead to complain to my wife as relief (mine, not hers). I am currently at maximum suggested dosage of both Ibroprofen and Paracetomol Extra, and am a long way past the pain peak.<br /><br />2. The lack of sleep. In my case the cyst was on the back of my neck, meaning there was only one position I could lie in that was not agony. Unfortunately this involved my arm being in a very unnatural position and meant that very soon after reaching unconsciousness I would attempt to adjust my position, roll over and very suddenly and unpleasantly no longer be asleep.<br /><br />3. The sore back. Having to hold my head in an unnaturally crooked position led to, along with mocking from my wife, a very sore back. Attempts to relieve this with a warm bath were not terribly successful as I had to perch awkwardly half out of the water to avoid my dressing getting wet.<br /><br />4. The squeezing. When you visit a member of the medical profession, they need to remove as much icky stuff as possible. This is done by squeezing. Imagine a part of your body that is so sore that you wince if someone even touches it. Now imagine someone placing that body part between their thumb and forefinger, and applying as much pressure as they can. Repeatedly. Whilst you have to make conversation with them.<br /><br />5. The lack of sympathy. Due to my aforementioned constantly tilted head I had many concerned enquiries about my neck. When I informed them of the state of affairs (I tried lying and saying that I had been stabbed in the neck during a bar fight but it didn’t fly), the concerned look would be replaced by one of disgust. It is unfair but despite the relative amounts of suffering involved, start mentioning pus and people just don’t want to know.<br /><br />6. And they are were right. It’s horrible. Now the inflamed, painful stage has past it has settled on constantly producing a sticky and smelly goo, which I have to dispose of discretely.<br /><br />7. The pain, again. It really was very bad.<br /><br />The positives are:<br /><br />1. It makes you appreciate not having an infected cyst.<br /><br />2. Umm...<br /><br />So, in summary, don’t get an infected cyst. And feel sorry for me.<br /><br /><strong>1.3/10</strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-62539612341535495272009-10-04T13:03:00.004+00:002009-10-04T13:11:33.421+00:00URT Podcast, Episode 4: Sleepytime!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SsidyWVQw5I/AAAAAAAAA9I/C3Pq0yfz2K8/s1600-h/podcast04.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SsidyWVQw5I/AAAAAAAAA9I/C3Pq0yfz2K8/s400/podcast04.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388730442462577554" border="0" /></a><br />In this <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-10-04T02_33_10-07_00.mp3">very special episode</a> of the Unified Review Theory podcast we review various subjects related to the subject of Sleep with the intention of providing suitable sleepytime listening for the toddlers in our audience, but unfortunately do so in an expletive-filled manner filled with SUDDEN LOUD NOISES.<br /><br />Join us for a vigorous and wildly incoherent discussion that takes in such subjects as Flying Hippy Yoga Monkeys, Sleep Deprivation as an Easy and Cost-Effective Form of Torture, and the Amazing Phenomenom of Unihemispheric Slow-Wave Sleep Which James is Totally Bored By.<br /><br />This episode features special rubbish clicky-fuzzy sound quality to simulate the feeling of being semi-conscious while listening!<br /><br />(We promise to do better next time. Honestly.)<br /><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-10-04T02_33_10-07_00.mp3">Download MP3</a><br /><a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">Visit Podcast Page</a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNDQzNzM4MDQ2NzEmcHQ9MTI*NDM3MzgxMjE3MSZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZ*PSZvPWUwODZiZWNjN2RlNTQxYmViNGE*MmY2YzU3Y2RlMzViJm9mPTA=.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" /></div><div style="margin-bottom: -7px; text-align: center;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="plugins=viral-1&viral.link=http://urt.podOmatic.com&height=340&file=http://urt.podOmatic.com/mrss_stream.xml&playlist=bottom&playlistsize=80&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" height="340" width="320"></embed></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><br /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-59680234708136961142009-09-26T11:37:00.002+00:002009-10-04T10:17:18.153+00:00The Day of the Locust<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Film)</em><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><br /></strong></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Ssh2H9rNiuI/AAAAAAAAA9A/fusZTDy0Nh4/s1600-h/dayofthelocust.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Ssh2H9rNiuI/AAAAAAAAA9A/fusZTDy0Nh4/s400/dayofthelocust.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388686833335765730" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><br />JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />It was as if everyone decided that there were only a small number of films from the past that were worth watching, and these films must be watched for ever and ever until we all drown in a sea of Great Escapes and Godfathers and Jawses. An understandable reaction, I suppose, to the horrific realisation that you will never be able to watch every film, read every book, sleep with every hootchy mama. This explains the rise in these lists of 1000 things you must do before you die otherwise your time on this planet has been a complete freaking waste of time just because you’ve never found the time to sit through Sixteen Candles. If you can create a fortress against the great tide of culture constantly being spewed at you, if you can say ‘These things I will watch, the rest can go hang’, then you can escape that gnawing feeling that maybe you should have watched Revenge of the Nerds II, I mean the first one was pretty crappy but maybe the turned it around with the sequel, maybe it was all building up to some pretty biting social commentary.<br /><br />A natural human reaction to mortality, but one that leaves you in danger of missing out on some pretty cool stuff that for some reason or other never made the canon. Day of the Locust, for instance (just in case you had forgotten what the actual subject of the review is by this point). I had never heard of the film version before seeing it, and the only reason I sought it out on Lovefilm was that I am currently at the point on my literary cycle where I am wanting to re-experience stuff I read or saw 10 years ago. I had read the novel by Nathanial West at university and not since, but it is one that has stayed with me and I am always curious to see adaptations of books I have enjoyed.<br /><br />The Day of the Locust is set in 1930s Hollywood, amongst the bit-players, the art assistants and the wash-outs that live of the fringes of the great entertainment machine. These people are completely sure of their own talent, but are only able to survive by debasing their talent. The great clown becomes a polish seller, the visionary artist designs sets and the actress is a prostitute. But then aren’t they all. The characters sweep along in their own tawdry worlds, blinded by the glamour that is so close and yet out of reach, until into their world comes Homer Simpson (yes, really), an awkward repressed bumbler, the poor slob representing the consumer of the entertainment industry’s product and whose money funds the clouds the artsy types live in. It will come as no surprise that his life is not improved by this meeting.<br /><br />The mix between fantasy and reality, between the degraded world of the bottom feeders and the divine life of the chosen few is captured well by the style of the film, as is the human cost of the fantasy being created in Hollywood. The sweat is always visible beneath the make up. The plot also sticks admirably close to that of the novel, allowing the characters to commit unforgivable actions that would alienate the viewer if they ever really asked for forgiveness. The finale, meanwhile, transcends the rest of the film. It was as if reading the Great Gatsby you find that the last page had been replaced by a Goya etching. When Debbie awakened after falling asleep as usual and asked me what happened in the end, all I could answer was the end of the world.<br /><br />The only criticisms I have are with casting. Firstly they have that funny looking woman whose eyes are too close together and who seems to be in every single film from the 70s as the romantic lead. Secondly, the only guy in it that I’d actually heard of, Donald Sutherland, was completely miscast as Homer. Far from bumbling, he appears almost debonair at times, and it is unclear at times just why the character is acting the way he is. However all this is forgiven for the ending of the film, and I would beg all reading this to watch the film, tell your friends, and don’t let it become a forgotten gem. Um... might have missed the boat on that one actually.<br /><br />And if you too have deep seated worries that you are missing out on cultural greatness in your life, don’t worry. Nothing that has been produced is entirely without value, nothing can be watched without some kind of benefit or enjoyment. Except The Edge of Love with Keira Knightley.<br /><br /><strong>9.1/10</strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-62526712683693331312009-08-24T08:30:00.009+00:002009-08-25T10:17:47.637+00:00URT Podcast, Episode 3!<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SpJP0h4CwQI/AAAAAAAAA74/qHx4HxREXXM/s1600-h/URTpodcast03.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SpJP0h4CwQI/AAAAAAAAA74/qHx4HxREXXM/s400/URTpodcast03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373445069271646466" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br />Hey, why not go and listen to the <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2009-08-23T23_24_31-07_00">latest episode</a> of <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">Unified Review Theory: The Podcast</a>? Due to technical difficulties we had to come up with some review topics at very short notice, so in an inspired move we turned to the 'Random Article' button on Wikipedia for help. Enjoy the spectacularly random results as Neill and James discuss such wide-ranging and <span style="font-style: italic;">really interesting</span> subjects as Status Quo's 1989 album <span style="font-style: italic;">Perfect Remedy</span>, disgraced drug-abusing NBA player Dirk Dewayne Minnifield, and the Flag of Pakistan.<br /><br />Also, James tells a funny joke! Although it's kind of only funny if you've played a lot of Mario.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNDQzNzM4MDQ2NzEmcHQ9MTI*NDM3MzgxMjE3MSZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZ*PSZvPWUwODZiZWNjN2RlNTQxYmViNGE*MmY2YzU3Y2RlMzViJm9mPTA=.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" /></div><div style="margin-bottom: -7px; text-align: center;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="plugins=viral-1&viral.link=http://urt.podOmatic.com&height=340&file=http://urt.podOmatic.com/mrss_stream.xml&playlist=bottom&playlistsize=80&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" height="340" width="320"></embed></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><br /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">If you would like to suggest review subjects for future episodes, to prevent this from <span style="font-style: italic;">ever happening again</span>, please do so in the comments below!<br /><br /><hr /><br /><br />Wikipedia links:<br /><br /><ul><li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_Remedy"><span style="font-style: italic;">Perfect Remedy</span></a> by Staus Quo </li><li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirk_Minniefield">Dirk DeWayne Minnifield</a></li><li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_Pakistan">The Flag of Pakistan</a></li></ul><br /><br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-13632307387053246362009-06-24T19:53:00.003+00:002009-08-24T08:33:59.671+00:00Dames<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Broads)</em><br /><em></em><strong></strong><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SpJPakPhrFI/AAAAAAAAA7w/NYPD8Qnpcig/s1600-h/dames.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SpJPakPhrFI/AAAAAAAAA7w/NYPD8Qnpcig/s400/dames.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373444623230413906" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>JAMES</strong> says:</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br />I knew she was no good the moment she walked in my office. Only one type of guy ends up scraping the bottom of the barrel where I reside, someone who has absolutely no one else to help them out. This gal could get fifty guys to die for her just by walking into the nearest bar, winking and offering casual sex. She looked like an angel, if angels could give you a look that suggested that they didn’t mind at all those thoughts you’re thinking, and maybe if you play your cards right... I don’t know, things might be more laid back up there these days. They certainly are down here.<br /><br />I offered her a drink and she wasn’t about to say no. When I got back from the shop with the WKD Iron Brew she’d made herself comfortable, very comfortable judging by her expression, on my couch.<br /><br />“Listen,” she rasped in a voice like Bette Davis narrating a trailer for the latest Terminator flick, “I need your help” She gave me some sob story about her husband going out to buy a packet of cigarettes and not coming back. It struck a bum note, any guy who went home to those gams each night would have to be dragged away by some kind of giant robot gorilla, and when I saw the weasely face in the picture that she slid across to me I knew I was being spun what we in the Shamus business call a Daily Mail exclusive. However, when she introduced me to her friends Mr Darwin and Ms Fry all doubts evaporated.<br /><br />The case itself wasn’t too taxing. I recognised the poor slob straight away as the teacher at a Salsa class my old lady was always trying to drag me to at the community centre. I spent a decent interval running up expenses like an MP in a Kensington antique store then tossed hot-lips a nod in the right direction.<br /><br />I must confess to a slight pang of guilt when I saw his face staring out at me from the front page Harpenden Enquirer next Wednesday, however I took consolation from the bulging wallet in my jacket. I tell you one thing though brother:<br /><br />Dames, they ain’t nothing but trouble.<br /><br /><strong>9/10</strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-54258706688479636712009-06-22T19:53:00.005+00:002009-06-23T08:40:10.871+00:00The Compleat Moonshadow<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">By John Marc DeMatteis and Jon J Muth </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Graphic Novel)</em><br /><br /></span><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Neill/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg" alt="" /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SkCUUjqoabI/AAAAAAAAA2s/OQ_jrm3JRgo/s1600-h/moonshadow.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SkCUUjqoabI/AAAAAAAAA2s/OQ_jrm3JRgo/s400/moonshadow.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350439438208494002" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />Yes, that’s right, I said Graphic novel. Not comic. If any work deserved to avoid the negative baggage of the sequential story-telling medium it is this one. Not only does it have a literary sensibility strong enough to justify the novel tag, it could even quite happily be a penguin classic if you added in a few humourless, patronising and distracting foot notes. The story of a young boy’s journey from innocence to experience, it falls firmly into the <em>bildungsroman</em> genre, specifically the masochistic <em>bildungsroman</em> of works like <em>Candide</em> or Nathanael West’s <em>A Cool Million</em>. In a presumed attempt by the author to punish his past self for his surrendered innocence (which, if we think back on our own over-earnest teenage years is all understandable), the eponymous hero suffers indignity, disease and betrayal as his romantic world view is extracted with a rusty hook.<br /><br />When looked upon as independent sections matters are not always subtle, and you are reminded that the author also co-wrote the Justice League during it’s humourous late 80s phase. However if the characters are drawn with broad brush-strokes it is of a piece with what you might find in, say, Dickens or Moses. And it all adds to the archetypal feel of the work.<br /><br />Perhaps the reason why few graphical works achieve a level where they could be referred to as literature is that they have twice the opportunity to fail. To succeed either the author must be one of the few, the happy few, artists who are also able to write well, or the collaborators are fortunate enough to have complimentary visions. That is definitely the case here, where Muth adapts his style to the plot sympathetically, from sketchy caricature to languid Klimt-esque eroticism, whilst not losing an over-arching and cohesive vision. And it’s mighty pretty.<br /><br />There are, of course, downsides. Pleasure needs be bedded with her cruel master disappointment at all times, thus is the cosmic balance maintained. Throughout Moonshadow’s journey he is placed in numerous perilous positions, yet there is very rarely a sense of peril. Partly due to the fact that the narrator is the hero in his dotage, yet also due to a feeling of invulnerability as he drifts from one disaster to another. He even manages to keep his cat with him, for G’l Doses’s sake, whereas my two cannot make it to the end of our road without getting spooked and running up a tree with a tail as bushy as a Scotsman’s beard.<br /><br />Also, whilst one gets a slight sense of superiority from reading a weighty novel on the tube, the stigma attached to having pictures mean this must needs be consumed at home. Finally, for the duration of the book you will have ‘Moonshadow’ by Cat Stevens stuck in your head.<br /><br />Regardless, this is a work of real beauty and profundity. It's subject matter is all human life, and there are no definitive resolutions save that most definitive of all, and if you can read the final chapter without feeling the approach of manly yet sensitive tears then you are not welcome at my table.<br /><br />I’ll lend it to you if you want.<br /><br /><strong>9.3/10</strong> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-9799324708744605172009-06-22T08:22:00.012+00:002009-06-22T11:11:35.686+00:00BNP Wives<span style="font-style: italic;">(Sky Three Documentary)</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Sj9RmV9BhiI/AAAAAAAAA2k/KhGLXVl4Pgg/s1600-h/BNPwives.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/Sj9RmV9BhiI/AAAAAAAAA2k/KhGLXVl4Pgg/s400/BNPwives.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350084601509414434" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEILL</span> says:<br /><br />While flipping channels last night I had one of those curious 'did I see that right'? moments, flying through the long Freeview hinterland between where BBC4 ends and E4 begins. I went back a couple of stops and realised that, yes, I had seen that right. Sky Three were indeed showing a programme titled 'BNP Wives'. Incidentally, the last time I was so arrested by an intriguing title was Sky Three again, with 'Darts Players Wives'. This seems to indicate both a certain theme to that channel's output and a weird equivalence in the station controllers' minds between Darts Players and Far-Right Nationalism.<br /><br />I only managed to catch the last 10 minutes of the show, which would not ordinarily be considered sufficient grounds for review, but based solely on what was contained in those minutes I think it's fair to say this may have been one of the most fascinating films ever to appear on British Television. As I tuned in events were already in full swing, with a series of scenes filmed at some bizarre BNP countryside fair. Fat-necked skin-headed men sat around in folding deckchairs, their demented tattoos of Germanic knights on proud display, watching some wholesome BNP-approved entertainment. This seemed to consist of a teenage boy singing Sinatra and a dumpy middle-aged woman reading hilariously, spectacularly bad poetry about her adulterous husband. Apparently her work was too awful even for the fat-necked tattoomen as they all left, and she finished her reading to an empty stage. The whole scene was utterly surreal, like watching a Village Fete run by Vogons.<br /><br />It turned out that the betrayed fascist poetess was one of the Wives of the programme's title, three women involved in the BNP in various ways who were followed around for some time by the documentary-makers and given every possible opportunity to show themselves to be amongst the worst and stupidest human beings ever to drag down the grade curve of this green and pleasant land.<br /><br />During one segment, the poet woman - who I think was in fact a BNP councillor - tried to evade questioning on the admittedly subtle and complicated question of whether Britain should in fact have gone to war against FUCKING HITLER. "To be honest, I've never really thought about it", she said, before starting a sentence that began "I don't agree with everything Hitler stood for, but..."<br /><br />I don't think we really need to finish that thought, do we? Has any sentence worth hearing ever started out "I don't agree with everything Hitler stood for, but..."? I tried to write a few, just for the purposes of Comedy and honestly, it's almost impossible.<br /><ul><li>"I don't agree with everything Hitler stood for, but... it's raining"?</li><li>"I don't agree with everything Hitler stood for, but... I quite want a sandwich"?</li><li>"I don't agree with everything Hitler stood for, but... I'm a MASSIVE IDIOT NAZI WHO WRITES TERRIBLE POEMS"?</li></ul>So just to reiterate, this is a person who is actively engaged in politics - specifically the politics of race and nationalism - indeed, who seems to have made those politics central to her whole life. And who claims to have 'never really thought about' such issues as Nazism, Hitler or Whether He Was Bad. This is either genuine, in which case it is possibly the most shocking and jaw-dropping stupidity ever expressed by a human being, or it is an attempt at being disingenuous so pathetically ill-advised as to actually be <span style="font-style: italic;">even more stupid.<br /></span><br />Watching this programme was, of course, depressing in its way. But mostly it was just astonishing. To see these people going about their days, living in their seedy and depressing bubbles of hatred and idiocy, and thinking through it all that <span style="font-style: italic;">they</span> are the normal ones. I honestly think these people fail to understand an important simple fact, so I'm going to state it here as clearly as I possibly can.<br /><br />We - and I'm going to speak here for the overwhelming majority of people in this country who are, you know, NOT NAZIS - despise your ideas. We <span style="font-style: italic;">despise </span>them. It's not that we are afraid of them, or that we don't understand them, or are 'not ready to hear them'. We understand them fully, we understand their roots and their implications, and we despise and utterly reject them anyway. The reason we understand all this is because a) we are so very, very much cleverer than you, and b) unlike you, we have <span style="font-style: italic;">actually thought about this.</span><br /><br />The overwhelming ignorance that these people kept falling back on when pressed on any significant point was actually, in the end, oddly hopeful. It seemed to confirm something I dare to dream in my more optimistic moments: that most of what we call evil - this kind of low-grade goose-stepping flag-waving/flag-burning variety of evil, anyway - <span style="font-style: italic;">is </span>just ignorance, at its core. And whilst 'evil' can seem mysterious and unstoppable, ignorance can be defeated relatively easily; by, oh I don't know, <span style="font-style: italic;">reading a book</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">once in your entire fucking life</span>. For example.<br /><br />BNP Wives - the documentary, last 10 minutes thereof: <span style="font-weight: bold;">7/10</span><br />BNP Wives - the actual human beings portrayed therein: <span style="font-weight: bold;">0.4/10</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-24075193534297105052009-06-07T17:56:00.002+00:002009-06-07T18:40:51.683+00:00Wasps vs. Bees – A Comparative Review<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Insects)<br /><br /></em></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SiwJoXNiB3I/AAAAAAAAA00/7Ipaztw5R48/s1600-h/wasps_vs_bees.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SiwJoXNiB3I/AAAAAAAAA00/7Ipaztw5R48/s400/wasps_vs_bees.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344657446812125042" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em></em><strong><br />JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />On the surface they are so similar. Both are yellow and black insects that turn up when it gets warm, sting you and go “Buzz”. However, scratch beneath the surface and they are as different as Flash and the Reverse Flash. Wasps are vindictive little gits who will sting you soon as look at you and serve no useful purpose at all. They kill more Australians than any other animals (which when you look at the competition is pretty good going) and if you have the audacity to drink fizzy pop outside then they are as relentless in their pursuit as a Glaswegian divorcee who thinks they might be on for some sex.<br /><br />Bees on the other hand are ace (though not to be confused with <a href="http://urt.blogspot.com/2003/09/sunshine-hit-me.html">The Bees</a>, who are also pretty good). They’re furry, and have little interest in your beverage if there are flowers around. Also, without them there wouldn’t even be any flowers. And they make honey, which is one of the dopest foodstuffs ever, and the only one to never go off. If you were to find a jar of Sumerian honey you would still be able to have it on your toast, that’s how great bees are. Although, having said that, if your Asda economy clear honey has turned into crystals it might be an idea to chuck it.<br /><br />Despite this, and in definitive proof that the creator of this world is in no way benevolent and that the Lombards had it spot on, it is wasps that continue to thrive whereas bees are in danger of disappearing completely. I mean, come on, won’t someone please think of the bees. Wasps, you can all officially go to hell.<br /><br /><strong>Bees 7.9/10<br />Wasps 1.4/10</strong></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-22336130534202198002009-06-07T17:30:00.004+00:002009-06-07T18:41:57.665+00:00The Book Thief<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">By Marcus Zusak</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>(Book)</em><br /><em></em><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SiwI5LQ5s9I/AAAAAAAAA0s/f4Av3aS3F30/s1600-h/bookthief.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 50px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SiwI5LQ5s9I/AAAAAAAAA0s/f4Av3aS3F30/s400/bookthief.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344656636151182290" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><strong>JAMES</strong> says:<br /><br />A girl in Nazi Germany has a cool dad and steals books. For some reason this interests Death.<br /><br />From the start this book is obviously going for the magical and sentimental tone used so well by writers such as Louis De Bernieres. Not long afterwards you realise that the writer is no Louis De Bernieres. It is a difficult thing to pull off, having a book narrated by Death without it seeming annoying and crass. In fact, one wonders why you would even attempt it. In this case the effect is worsened by a series of lists and asides that seem to suggest that Death is a Nick Hornby fan. I’m not sure if that is a comforting thought.<br /><br />It seems an admirable idea to have a book featuring an ordinary German family during the Second World War, however the stigma of such times is so great that the author feels the need to show repeatedly and explicitly that the family at the centre of this story are not Nazis. He might as well have made them English and had done with it. The father of the family does work for Jews when no one else will, refuses to join the Nazi party and eventually hides a Jewish man in his basement. Though it is difficult to write about the period without mentioning the Holocaust, it was rather refreshing to have a book which didn’t centre around it and so I found this development rather disappointing.<br /><br />Something that also became very wearisome during the course of this book was the way that even though it was written in English some phrases would still be in German, then repeated in English. It made proceedings worryingly reminiscent of Chris Claremont-era X-Men. <em>Unglaublich</em>.<br /><br />This is not to say the overwhelming sentimentality of the book was not effective at some points. The characters were likeable and so when some of them died (given the narrator I don’t think this is spoiling anything) it was very sad. However, the overall impression was of what could have been an interesting study of live under a totalitarian regime in war time just ended up like every other book you have read about WWII, only not as good.<br /><br />And besides, Death speaks in capitals. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT<br /><strong><br />3.9/10</strong><br /><br />P.S. If anyone could recommend an actually good book about life in Nazi Germany, let me know.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00282268233769630750noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514181.post-29104708855597194142009-06-07T10:43:00.010+00:002009-06-07T11:26:37.730+00:00URT Podcast, Episode 2!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-06-07T03_20_26-07_00.mp3"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 206px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ysRg6gfNemY/SiuaBz7ON3I/AAAAAAAAA0U/VP7qL4lVr8Y/s400/podcast02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344534738714376050" border="0" /></a>Yes, <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/entry/2009-06-07T03_20_26-07_00">Episode 2 of the URT Podcast</a> has belatedly arrived! In this excitingly rambling and incoherent SUMMER SPECIAL, Neill and James cast their critical eyes over two pieces of essential holiday viewing: the 1965 Elvis Presley musical 'Harum Scarum', and 80's Japanese animation 'Voltron: Defender of the Universe'.<br /><br />Listen / download by clicking the image above, or: <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-06-07T03_20_26-07_00.mp3">http://urt.podomatic.com/enclosure/2009-06-07T03_20_26-07_00.mp3</a><br /><br />...EDIT: or indeed using this handy embedded player:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><img style="visibility: hidden; width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNDQzNzM4MDQ2NzEmcHQ9MTI*NDM3MzgxMjE3MSZwPTg*NjgxJmQ9Jmc9MSZ*PSZvPWUwODZiZWNjN2RlNTQxYmViNGE*MmY2YzU3Y2RlMzViJm9mPTA=.gif" width="0" border="0" height="0" /></div><div style="margin-bottom: -7px; text-align: center;"><br /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.podomatic.com/swf/jwplayer44.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="plugins=viral-1&viral.link=http://urt.podOmatic.com&height=340&file=http://urt.podOmatic.com/mrss_stream.xml&playlist=bottom&playlistsize=80&streamer=rtmp://streams.podomatic.com/vod" width="320" height="340"></embed></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><br /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="urt" href="http://urt.podomatic.com/"><img src="http://www.podomatic.com/images/share/player_logo.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div>You can also now check out our new <a href="http://urt.podomatic.com/">podcast page</a>, where you can subscribe to the RSS feed and stuff.<br /><br />Episode 3 coming soon! Well, sooner. And with more coherence, guaranteed.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><hr /><a href="http://urt.blogspot.com"> Unified Review Theory </a>- Notes Towards a Grand Unified Review of Everything</div>Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13689901140275643742noreply@blogger.com0