You disappoint on so many levels it's honestly hard to know where to begin. A crappy novelty-shop replica of a functional human being, your intellectual banality is outstripped only by your appalling moral turgidity. You have never achieved anything really worthwhile, and due to your absence of any genuine talent or passion, it is almost entirely certain that you never will. The one thing that is in any way impressive about you is that you manage to carry on at all in the face of your own overwhelming inferiority. Others would have given up and packed it all in long ago, but not you; you lack even the moral courage to take that step. What have you ever contributed to the world? Really? The question would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Perhaps the most galling thing about you is your sheer insincerity. You are a liar, a hypocrite, a coward and a cheat. You make me sick. You really fucking make me sick.
Don't listen to him, you're a winner! When I first saw you, I had to check to see you weren't a Roman god come down to earth. Seriously! You just, you're so magnetic! I don't know whether it's your intelligent yet passionate wit, or your plain amicability. I think it's just that you make me feel so good about myself, knowing that someone like you would talk to me!
You must be a move star, or a celebrity, aren't you? Because, you just ooze this aura of creativity and class. I've meet a lot of losers, but you, my friend, you're going all the way! Listen, I don't normally do this, but do you fancy doing something tonight? Grabbing dinner or something?