Sideswipe

(Heroic Autobot)



JAMES says:

If the Fonz was a transformer he’s be Sideswipe. He was a bit of a rebel (his motto is ‘I don’t break rules but I bend them a lot), though his rash actions sometimes led to injuries to himself, his headstrong recklessness acted as a useful balance to Optimus Prime’s overly-thought out tactics. Though his firepower rating was only 3, he still had a courage level of 10. He was so much less annoying than his brother Sunstreaker and best of all he turned into a red sports car. Though it was never shown in the cartoon, Sideswipe undoubtedly scored with all the transformer babes (e.g. Arcee). Either that or he was just a bit sad and going through a mid-life crisis. Like all the cool transformers Sidesipe got killed/injured fairly early on in the game to make way for stories about pretendercons and headmasters, but if there was any justice he would’ve got his own spin off series. Where he moves to San Francisco and has comedy adventures with his gay neighbour (played by Kevin ‘Hercules’ Sorbo).

8.8/10

Having a Giant Robot

(Having a Giant Robot)





NEILL says:

I must confess to having been a little taken aback when through a bizarre accident of cosmic destiny I first acquired my giant robot, UltraTron X, and perhaps felt some trepidation at the prospect. Me, a giant robot pilot? Surely not! However, I have since come to appreciate the many and diverse satisfactions associated with having a giant robot. There are of course the obvious benefits, such as the ability to fly at the speed of light and fight giant mutant lizard monsters with my X2000 laser missile arrays and kung-fu action grip. And of course we must not forget the simple pleasures, such as transforming into a giant spaceship/ hovercraft, or being able to crush one's enemies beneath a giant robotic boot. Admittedly my life has become a little more complicated by having to constantly fly off to exotic star systems to engage in fierce giant robotic battle with my nemesis, the evil renegade Ultratron Z pilot Shiro Darkk, but this is more than balanced out by the fun and scrapes I get up to with my pals in the Giant Robot Earth Defence Corps, my bumbling comedy sidekick Hoshi and sexy glamorous love interest Susan. Now if only that stuffed-shirt desk-jockey Commander Steele would stop riding my ass with his damn Defence Corp regs all the damn time! God dammit!
On the whole though, I would have to say that there are very few things in life finer than having a giant robot.

9/10

JAMES says:

I also got a robot. However, mine is a protocol robot. If he tells me that it's incorrect to drink red wine with fish one more time, I swear I'm going to kick his shiny camp yellow ass so hard his input socket will become an output socket. Goddammit.

2/10